I think you’ve seen those grainy lines some cinematographers put on new film to make them look retro. It belies the authenticity of the artifact. In the same way, an English composition supposedly written by an eighth grader can be edited by a first-language professional ESL teacher, like me, with experience in Brooklyn and Taiwan classrooms. So it happened that my editorship of a composition, meant to be memorized and read by its adolescent writer in a recitation contest, was rejected by a Taiwanese teacher, one who had probably written it herself, appalled I tampered with her work she though had few minor grammar mistake. The old adage: “Be careful what you ask for because you might just get it” applies here.
One morning, I noticed
an e-mail in my junk mail file: “I am Morticia (pseudonym) an English teacher from Long
John Junior high school. I was introduced to you by 康0梓0.
I'd like to ask you for help revise speech content. There will be three
articles and this is the first one. Please see the attached file, regards and
thanks.” She subsequently send only one other, the one I chose to work on
first, “My Favorite Spot in Taichung.” Here is what she sent me:
It was obvious to me that a student did not write the composition. An eight grade student wouldn't know such words as "skippers", "unique", "inverted", or "reflected". Later I learned another foreigner had been asked to edit the grammar and spelling before me. I guess he hadn't been concerned with its lack of coherence.
“Here is a re-write of 'My Favorite Spot in Taichung'," I wrote back. "I tried to make it tighter and create time order and organization. Let me know what you think. I will work on the second composition tomorrow. Thank you for the opportunity to help your students.”
“Look forward to it,” she wrote back in broken English. Here is what I sent back.
“Here is a re-write of 'My Favorite Spot in Taichung'," I wrote back. "I tried to make it tighter and create time order and organization. Let me know what you think. I will work on the second composition tomorrow. Thank you for the opportunity to help your students.”
“Look forward to it,” she wrote back in broken English. Here is what I sent back.
After she read, it she responded. "Thanks for help," she wrote back. "I am sorry that I didn't explain myself well. Thanks so much for rewriting the article, actually you don't have to rewrite the article because it has to meet the student's level. After all she is just in the second year of Junior high School, I think even the judges can tell it's impossible for her to write this kind of content. So would you mind just correcting the wrong grammar or changing some words? I don't want my student to recite the article with too many new words. Hope you can understand, thanks.”
Trying to comply, I updated the composition with
easy word equivalents in brackets, in case the children could not understand. I hadn't added idioms or difficult
grammatical patterns that a second year middle school EFL student couldn't
understand. The major correction I made was chronological order and two
imperative forms in paragraph three. There is nothing sophisticated about
having a clear introduction or conclusion; the listener will be able to follow
the details better that way. Every student has had an essay revised by a
professional teacher, local or foreign. Let me know if the student cannot
understand anything and I will simplify it if I can. NOTE: I made a few errors
that I corrected in the revised attachment above. Again, thank you for letting
me assist you.
I couldn't resist. I did as she wished. I went back to the original work and found blatant errors is grammar as follows:
line 3- fantastic sunsets
line 5- There are A diverse ecosystem thrives there.
line 5- There
is a wooden...
line 6- a beautiful
sea view
line 7- As to me I especially enjoy Gaomei in
the morning...
line 8- the number
18...
line 9 - the
Gaomei Lighthouse
line 10 - Its red and white colors of it
line 10- ...bike riding,(delete) because...
line 11
...along the way and (you cannot start a sentence with "And")
line 11 also
(delete, because "also" is redundant with "and")
line 12 ...touch my face. It (delete
"which")
line 12 ...lets (not "makes")
line 13... sunsets (or "the" sunset)
line 14...is as beautiful as it (delete) can be
expected, but...
line 15...is that I am (not "you are")
line 16...I can walk (you started the paragraph in
the first person "I" and should not change to "you"
thereafter.)
line 17... my (not "your" unless you want
to keep the second person point-of-view throughout.***)
line 19...pink in color (or just "pink" is
okay)
line 20 (Do
your children know the words "inverted" or "reflection"? I
doubt it. Consider using more age appropriate words.)
line 21... its (not it's) inverted reflection on the
water. (period)
line 22...along with the windmill at (not
"besides")
line 23...that looks like a painting (not
"picture") ; so beautiful
I stopped at the fourth
paragraph; I couldn't go on. I had been working on this essay too long “just trying to revise the
original article" as she asked. I
was going to tell her she must pay me from her school
budget or her own pocket for this second hour of my work; the textbook
publisher’s agent would only pay for the first. Before I sent the
e-mail to her, I checked with my wife who told the agent on private messenger. He asked
her to ask me not to send the e-mail; not to get involved fearing it would upset the relationship the school had
with his company, perhaps even get him fired. Since I cared for the agent, I kept it to myself, until now.
Copyright © 2020 by David Barry Temple. All rights reserved.
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